Having asked the question “How do we stop the madness?” that our world is experiencing right now, I have been challenged to show how to do what I assert in that post. So, here is a lesson plan for reaching across the aisles, your streets in your neighborhood, reaching into the mosque down the street or the synagogue in your community, or the church that is very different from yours. It is a way for those of you from differing political groups to reach out and discover the neighbors beyond your political “side.” It is a way for one neighborhood to get to know those neighbors they didn’t realize they had…because they’ve been afraid of the differences. Have some fun with this…even though you may be nervous at first. How do we engage the people who are “Other” to us?
FIRST STEP: Get together with some people you do know…close friends, Sunday School Class members, yoga classmates, jogging partners, whoever you count as trusted in your life. Read the post “How do we stop the madness?”
SECOND STEP: Talk among yourselves about what strikes you first about the post. Do you agree? Do you find it offensive? Does it make your mind race with ideas or make you realize that you have yet identified fears? Have a GENTLE conversation…
THIRD STEP: Now comes the real challenge. Is there a group of “Other” that you do not really know? That you have never really sat down with and talked with? Is it your new neighbor with a skin color or a culture different from you? Is there a woman in your neighborhood who wears head-covering that you have never spoken to because she is “Other”? Is there a man who wears a yarmulke or some other traditional head-covering that you avoid because he is different? Is there a faith-community different from yours down the street or across the subdivision that you think of differently because they are “Other”? Identify these “Others” in your proximity.
FOURTH STEP: What could you do to reach out your hands to them? To invite them into a conversation, to a shared meal, or perhaps even a traditional afternoon “tea.” There are less dietary restrictions of the sweet things in life than there are on the meat, etc. If you are inviting a different culture group, do some homework to find out what is “kosher” in their world. (You know…coffee, tea, homemade cookies, cupcakes, something cheery.) Of if your group is of a culture not typically “American”, what is a way you could invite your more typically American neighbors in to meet them, talk with them, and break the ice? (I think of Turkish berek with coffee, or the crisp little cookies I remember from Turkish bakeries–the melt-in-your-mouth buttery ones…Every culture has sweets for special occasions.) Pick an event (the who, what, where, how, and when)…make it special…write the invitations. (Yes. Write the invitations…make them beautiful like this is the most important thing you have ever done.) Make sure you give the contact information for an RSVP. (That’s French for respond, if you please. Yes, we can come. No, we cannot but we’d love reschedule…You get the idea.)
FIFTH STEP: Set up your space for the event. Create an atmosphere of real welcome. Keep it simple, but make it look intentional, filled with care and concern, and love. (Remember, love is not necessarily an emotion. It is first an action. The warm, fuzzy feelings often come AFTER the action.) If there will be children, prepare some traditional games for them to play.
SIXTH STEP: Keep this first meeting light and friendly. Have name tags for everyone to wear. Nothing is more intimidating that trying to remember everyone’s name. Keep the questions filled with care and gentleness. (For instance, do not start off saying something that divides the room. “So, why are you so different from us?” Good heavens! That’s an event ender.) Here are some sample ways to open up a get-to-know-you conversation. 1) We want to make an opportunity to get to know you…and for you to get to know us. We’ve prepared some special treats for you and hope you like them. 2) This particular cookie was a favorite of _________________. She will tell you about them. (My grandmother used to make these when I was a child. I always loved them. I hope you do, too. –keep it simple) Do you have a childhood food that you remember that made you feel happy? 2) Show them around the space. Share what makes you happy in this space. Ask them if they have a favorite place that makes them feel safe and secure. If there are children present, make sure they are welcomed and that they have activities to do together. Games are good ice-breakers, but so are art projects…Hint: Adults like art projects, too. It is way to work side-by-side and talk, too. It is non-threatening.
SEVENTH STEP: Do it. Enjoy it. Take it slow and watch what happens. The goal is to make new friends, learn about folks who are different, and discover how much alike we really are. At subsequent meetings, float the idea of doing something together…a project. There are many ideas for this: 1) a relay for life event. (All are, unfortunately, touched by cancer, illness.) 2) collecting something to help someone else…a local food bank, a local clothing bank, a children’s hospital in your locality, a PTA organization where the children present are all touched…you get the idea.
EIGHTH STEP: At some point, after the groups in question have gotten to know each other and “broken the ice,” perhaps you could work together to have an event where you learn about each other through presentations. The presentations aren’t about convincing, converting, or winning. They are strictly “This is who we are” presentations. If is fun to discover there traditions and faith come from. Sometimes, we discover common or shared roots…but most often, whatever happens, we end up understanding each other better.
NINTH STEP: Keep it going. Make your gatherings a new “tradition.” Look for ways of inviting new “Others” in. Make it your mission to know those around you. .. to connect with them in simple ways… and to discover all those “friends” you have not met yet.
TENTH STEP: When you have established this new friendship, reach out to your local mayor, city council, local congressperson (state or federal) etc. Invite them to come and discover something beautiful…a group of people who are very different who have discovered that they have more in common than they ever thought possible. Our politicians need us to remind them of that, instead of telling us how to hate each other because we are different!
And remember! This takes time. It takes effort. It takes VISION. And we can do this together.